I always assumed that political division was just a bunch of old farts vs a legion of hippies. Actually, it’s not too far off, but there’s a more profound (and useful) way of perceiving this divisiveness.

It’s time.

To be more precise, how we value and invest time.

The left-leaning rhetoric — things like We are the 99% or the debut parliamentary speech by Singapore’s opposition MP Chen Show Mao — are always centered around future-oriented ideals — it’s always about building a future society that upholds justice, equality, freedom.

Example of left-wing rhetoric

And on the right, their language is all about reinforcing the past or the present — that despite all the crappy circumstances, the hard work they have put or are putting in to reap rewards. And thus, the assumption here is that their present hard work will reap future rewards.

Example of left-wing rhetoric

—

I’ve always been indifferent about how I use my time. I simply never thought about it because I assumed time was infinite. But as I grow older, I realized that time is scare commodity — so scarce that squandering it should almost be made a crime.

More importantly, I realized that it’s dangerous to instinctively prioritize the present over the future. As a kid, I was under the impression that if I focused on getting good grades and developing my talents that the future will sort itself out — that somehow someone would employ me and somehow I’ll rise the ranks. While I’ve not done too badly with that mentality, I realized that I’m possibly doing myself a great disservice. Much of my potential is still untapped. It will not be uncovered until I invest the time to think about it and work on it.

If that’s true at an individual level, I think it will probably be true at the organizational and societal level as well. Should the US continue to spend insane amount of money and risk the inability to repay its debt? Debt is basically using future money (that one may or may not be able to earn) to fund the present. Or in Singapore’s case, should the government perpetually inflate housing prices to give current homeowners a sense of security? Perpetual inflation is only sustainable at the expense of future generations.

The easy answer is always to preserve the present. Keep borrowing so the government does not explain to its needy citizens (read: voters) why they suddenly cut foodstamp budgets for the next 3 years (just an example). Keep raising housing prices, so current homeowners (read: voters) are assured of their investments. (I don’t blame them, by the way. Our system reinforces and rewards short-term thinking. It’s a whole other topic; I’ll talk about this some other time.)

But the undeniable truth is: unless something changes, the day will come when the US can no longer repay its debts, and housing will be priced completely out of reach for future citizens in Singapore. They’re essentially ticking time bombs.

I’m not saying we should always sacrifice the present for the future either. I’m saying we need:

• Balance – Balance how we invest our resources. Balance how we invest our time.
• Courage – Courage to do what’s effective and not what’s expedient.
• Grit – Grit or tenacity to sometimes give up our current comforts to build a future — much like a diet.

—

With that said, I’ve been disappointed with myself lately. On the way back home from work, I always tell myself to think about my future and work towards it. But after dinner, I’d read Google Reader, play Facebook games, watch my YouTube subscriptions… and before I know it, it’s bedtime. In that few hours, I did not accomplish anything for the future. Just so much inertia.

On the same note, I really wished I had answers for the socioeconomic issues that plague the US and Singapore. I don’t. Politics and economics are complicated because policies rarely work in silos. They work in tandem to each other and I don’t know enough to make recommendations (yet).

It’s not going to be a joy ride, but I think it’s absolutely necessary to re-look at how we invest our time. We’re at a point where we can’t afford to leave the future to chance anymore.

—

So is the present or future more important to you? Does your habits help build the future or reinforce the present or is it a mix of both? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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1. Thoughts on Anime [C]: The Money of Soul and Possibility Control
2. The Disconnect Between Childhood and Adulthood

Into my teens, I became more fascinated with society. How the world ended up going into two world wars, and why the French Revolution happened.

And as I stepped into my college years, I discovered the world of political philosophy. What is a good, virtuous life? What is a good, virtuous society? Justice? Love? Beauty?

Or is it Truth and Wisdom?

Now into my 20s, my pursuit for philosophical knowledge progressed into my thirst for psychology. Why do people do the things they do, say the things they say? More importantly, why do I do the things I do, why do I say the things I say?

Then, I could see — see how the world really worked. How one act, one thought, one feeling can affect the whole world. And that everything in this world was connected one way or another.

I thought bliss would come with knowledge and wisdom. I thought truth and enlightenment would make life more fulfilling.

But it didn’t.

I’ve fallen into a funk recently. I can’t bring myself to read another book and my Google Reader has been showing 1000+ for the past few weeks. A part of me can’t help but feel like that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. That my generation will be forced to clean up the impending mess that humanity’s collective actions of the past and present are bringing. It’s a dreadful feeling. A lost hope. A lost generation. (The link points to a fantastic read by Umair Haque, by the way.)

The same part of me also wished I hadn’t embarked on this journey. I used to scoff at the idiom Ignorance in bliss. But now I’m starting to see that there’s perhaps some virtue in ignorance.

But of course, one can’t possibly unsee what one sees. I can only continue walking until I reach my destination. Hopefully, the Sun Socrates promised will still be waiting when I get there.

No related posts.

But for those of you who don’t have the time, Sinek shares two main ideas:

1. Progress, be it organizational or societal, can only be made if there’s trust. And trust can only be built by people who share similar values and beliefs.
2. Only the spirit of generosity can lead to fulfillment.

While he doesn’t explicitly talk about loneliness and unfulfillment, both ideas are good explanations for why we tend to feel that way.

On Loneliness, Authenticity and Trust

We feel lonely because it’s often a challenge to find people who ‘click’ or share the same values as us. Part of the reason it’s so difficult is because people often do not say or do what they truly believe in. We have a tendency to self-censor or to “spin” our ideas in an effort to be more well-liked or, at least, not ostracized.

So, the key to alleviating this loneliness is authenticity. Say and do what you believe so that you will attract people who share similar beliefs. A community of people with shared beliefs and values, and trusts each other is a powerful entity. Think Apple. Think women in the 1900s. Think gay rights activists in New York.

At a more personal level, I’m definitely guilty of censorship — especially on my blog, which is probably why I don’t write as much anymore. I’m at a point in my life, where I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking and reading about life, work, and humanity. I mean, it’s really a minute-by-minute preoccupation. At any moment, I’m observing people around me, analyzing why they do certain things or behave a certain way. Then I’m assessing what’s my best possible response; how can I change to become more effective. But I don’t share most of these thoughts for fear I’d bore you, lose all my subscribers and that you’d think I’m some sort of Machiavellian manipulator-in-training suffering from serious OCD.

I need to be more authentic and stop being so concerned about being well-read or well-liked. By being more authentic, I could perhaps find more people who are as passionate about individual, organizational and societal development as I am. While I don’t have a political or entrepreneurial agenda, having a network of people who share the same passions will enrich their lives and mine as well. It would also give concrete purpose and direction to my blog.

On Fulfillment, Generosity…

Sinek points out that fulfillment can only be felt when you reach out to someone in the spirit of generosity. This means helping someone without expecting something in return. When you give money to a homeless guy or help out a classmate or colleague, you just feel warm and fuzzy inside. That feeling is fulfillment. It’s something wealth and shiny, new objects can’t give you — only generosity.

…and the Contagiousness of Emotions and Empowerment

Well, that’s all he says about fulfillment but I’ve got something else to add on. Let me tell you a story.

Singapore is a country plagued by the lack of generosity and the prevalence of selfishness. And it’s a contagious disease. Every day, I leave the house feeling like I want to do something good for someone. Then I step into the subway, and see inconsiderate bastards blocking the train entrance. In an instant, all that generosity vanishes. I’m suddenly gripped with disappointment and anger. Instead of being nice to someone, I shove my way through the inconsiderate bastards, shouting the most insincere, spiteful “Excuse me!” anyone’s ever heard. It’s really a terrible thing to do. (I try hard not to do that anymore.)

So the other day, I tried something new. Instead of letting other people affect my mood, I decided to set the mood for them. I was fortunate to have a seat on a crowded train that afternoon. And an elderly lady carrying lots of bags walked into the train. She wasn’t standing anywhere close to my seat, but I chose to give it up anyway. I called out to her and gave her my seat. Since I was pretty loud, many of the other passengers turned and looked at us.

When we arrived at the interchange, something magical happened. More than three people in my carriage stood up and gave their seats to people they normally wouldn’t give up for — slightly pregnant women, fathers carrying children, people with heavy bags. (In Singapore, unless you look like you’re about to give birth any second now or celebrate your 100th birthday, chances are people will not give up their seats for you.) This sudden generosity was truly a rare, amazing sight.

So while the lack of generosity is contagious, generosity itself is contagious as well. Instead of becoming affected by other people’s negative emotions and energies, share yours when you’re in good, generous mood. And it’s not just fulfillment you will get. It’s also empowerment. The power to influence your community, your country, your world — one train carriage at a time.

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1. Christmas Update!

I sought for answer from the realms of religion, history, philosophy, psychology and even chose a major (political theory) that I thought would help me to find an answer…

…only to realize that deep down inside, I’ve always known the answer.

How did I achieve this revelation? Thanks to a bit of luck, a pinch of desperation, some help from Google and this entry from Steve, an enlightened ex-convict.

According to Steve, you only need to dedicate 20 minutes of your life to think hard about what could possibly give your life meaning, and write down every answer that pops through your mind. The one that makes you cry is the right answer — the meaning of your life.

It sounds so simple that it’s absolutely ridiculous. But, I swear, it works. Perhaps it’s not the most scientific way and perhaps most psychologists may not approve, but when you find the right answer, you’ll just know that it is. It just is.

Sad thing is that it didn’t happen in 20 minutes for me. My subconscious needed to do some processing, so it only dawned on my the next day… while I was commuting. The subway in a cold, calculating city like Singapore is not the best place to suddenly go teary.

Anyway, for those of you struggling with this question, you should give it a shot. All you could potentially lose is the time needed to watch an episode of Jersey Shore, but what you stand to gain is priceless. *cue Mastercard ad*

What was my answer? It’s a secret, for now. I’m not ready to admit it myself yet, so I’m not going to openly admit it on the interwebs. These things take time to digest, you know.

In Search of Thumos…

So now that my quest to find life’s meaning is over, I’ve found a new quest to occupy my free time and free brain cells. This one is sparked by New York Times columnist, David Brooks. He’s always talking about thumos this, thumos that. According to him, the whole world revolves around thumos.

θυμός, commonly spelled as thymos or thumos is Greek for the desire of recognition.

I definitely see this in myself. Why do we want to be recognized so badly? Why do we need to feel important? Aside from the few seconds of pleasure you get from recognition, what else do you derive? Wait, why do we even derive pleasure from being recognized?

The more I think about it, the more I see that thumos drives a lot of our actions. I know you’d hate to admit this, but I’m pretty sure thumos is part of the reason why you blog, you tweet, and update your Facebook status about your latest shopping hauls or travels, even though you know that no one actually cares. You want to be heard. You want to be recognized. So do I.

So what happens when you get thumos overload? What happens when you don’t get enough recognition? More interestingly, what happens when we remove thumos from our psyche? Will we become mere animals, or do we evolve into a new level of being?

This idea of thumos is very fascinating. I’ve come across it while studying Aristole and Plato but I’ve never really paid much attention to it because I was more fixated on, you know, the meaning of life. So it’s time to pay my old pals a visit, along with a few contemporary ones like Dale Carnegie and Alain de Botton.

With that, I bid you all adieu. I’m going back to reading up (and buying up a storm) on my Kobo app. (Kobo has a 20% sale for ebooks this weekend, by the way.)

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1. Life of a Social Media Rockstar
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While I am mostly Chinese by descent, my mother isn’t quite the same breed of tiger as Amy — perhaps more like a domesticated cat. I would be coerced into staying up to memorize the occasional difficult Chinese character or learn some impossible math equation, but I was never forced into taking up classes that I didn’t enjoy or banned from playing my Super Nintendo. I was given the freedom to explore and decide what I wanted to do outside of school.

Some of my friends were not so lucky. They had different variants of tiger mothers (or fathers) ranging from ruthless, overbearing sabertooths to man-eating bengals. And while these friends were all shades of brilliant in school, the negative consequences of being tiger cubs are starting to show itself. Now that they are in their 20s, there is no one to force them to excel at work. No one to force them to do things that don’t want to do.

So these all shades of brilliant children have become all shades of confused adults. While some do go on to become extraordinary people because they learned the importance of hard work, others become impotent in making decisions because they were never given the opportunity to decide for themselves. Still others justify their existence by being rebels because they feel like they’re life-long prisoners of war who have been finally granted freedom.

For me, I think I could’ve fared much better in school were I subjected to more coercion. I am fairly laid-back, so there’s no doubt that some punishment to scare the crap out of me would’ve done some good.

But for all the A+s I didn’t get, I learned things that far more valuable in the adult world. I learned that with freedom comes great responsibility — that I gain from my own good decisions, and suffer from my own bad decisions. I learned the art of decision-making and troubleshooting my bad decisions. I learned to initiate; I don’t need no tiger mother breathing down my back to make sure I do everything “right”. I use my own judgment and do what I think is best. (Of course, being young means my judgment isn’t always great but I try and I learn from it).

As for the debate of praise vs punishment that everyone is talking about? I think it’s largely irrelevant. There is a different optimal point for each person. As a parent, you just need to find that point to get your kids to perform at their maximum ability. It’s no different from managing employees, I would assume.

The problem I have with tiger mothers is with the lack of freedom. As a 25-year old still trying to find her own place in the world, I can vouch that it is this sudden, chaotic freedom that we Gen-Y or Gen-AL are struggling with most. And tiger mothers have done a major disservice by clipping the very wings — their decision-making abilities — the children need to survive when they become adults.

I’m sure my tigered friends will find their own bearings and learn the burdens that come with freedom over the next few years. But it is very sad to watch them struggle. Struggle with their own will and the guilt of undoing their mothers’ autocratic parenting style.

Update: This is one of the best responses to Amy Chua’s book.

Dear Readers, what are your thoughts? How were you brought up? How do you think your upbringing has affected you?

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1. Economic Freedom
2. Chinese Condoms and Favorite Animal

I was so inspired by it I self-snooped. And here are 3 of my deductions — do share yours in the comments or in a blog entry (do link back to this entry, so I can I read them)!

Snoop #1: What My Music Playlist Says About Me

Gosling says we can infer personality traits from the music we listen to. You’d might imagine someone who loves religious music as someone pious, perhaps conscientious and not very open to new experiences. I find this snoop a little devious because you may fall prey to false stereotyping, if you don’t dig deep enough. Here’s my deduction of my own playlist as an example.

Top 25 Songs on iTunes

From this playlist, you might deduce that I love anime music. Before you accuse me of being a socially eccentric, cosplaying otaku, let me explain my listening habits. While it’s true I love anime, I don’t enjoy anime music all that much. Consider this: I only listen to music via iTunes when I blog. Music with prominent vocals or noisy electric guitars interfere with my thinking. In contrast, music from the ARIA anime is very soothing so it inspires me to write.

Top 15 Artists on Last.FM

My Top 15 Artists list from Last.FM is a more accurate depiction of my music preferences because it’s sortable by time frame. My music tastes have changed over the years. When I was younger, I loved Korean pop music. Now that I’m older, I’m much more into Kubota Toshinobu’s music (genre: soul) and other soothing genres like R&B, Jazz and Bossa Nova.

Gosling points out that people who listen to jazz are generally calm and collected. While that is true of me most of the time, notice that there are 2 anomalies — Lee Hyolee and 2NE1. Both are remnants of my favorite genre during my teenage years. That should point out that I’m not yet 100% calm and collected. Occasionally, I’m still susceptible to reverting to my younger, boisterous, not-so-calm self.

Snoop #2: What My Office Cubicle Says About Me

My company culture is fairly conservative and our office design is one that’s very open. Everything – including the number of shoes under the table – is viewable on plain sight. As you can expect, there’s not much decor going on around. With that said, my cubicle is more barren than the others.

I have no photos of my friends or family, no memento or souvenir on my table. Gosling talks about how employees who are disconnected or disengaged from their work have less personal belongings in their cubicle. While that may be true for some people, I just prefer to separate my work from my personal life. I also avoid revealing too much of myself. See Snoop #3 for reason.

However, I do have three personal items displayed on an inconspicuous corner on my whiteboard. Two of them are postcards — one of a cute cat in a beret, another with a colorful abstract design. At first glance, one might think I like cats and colorful postcards. While that’s also true, there are deeper reasons to why I displayed them. When you flip the back of the postcards, you’d see that they both have personalized messages. The one with the cat is from a very, very close friend from university. The colorful one was from the customer service personnel who decided to accompany the item I ordered online from Swedish retailer, DesignTorget with a hand-written postcard saying “Hello from Sweden “. The postcards remind me of the value friendship and reaching out to strangers. Not coincidentally, both of which I wish I could have more.

The 3rd item is a photo of my project team along with Singapore’s Prime Minister and my company’s CEO. This one’s a no-brainer. It just means I’m ambitious.

Snoop #3: What My Wallpapers Say About Me

Gosling also dabbles a little into what our blogs, Facebook profiles and usernames reveal about us. Personally, I think there is an even better way to snoop online — by ransacking people’s Google Search history. But good luck getting your hands on that… hahaha.

For me though, I think the single most telling item of my core being is my desktop / mobile phone wallpaper. I’m sure most of my observant friends have noticed various artwork displayed on my personal electronic devices. They are all paintings from Audrey Kawasaki. I haven’t fully figured out why I am enchanted by them but they give a vague inkling that no matter where I am and what I am doing, a part of me will never change. This is my favorite painting:

My favorite piece from Audrey Kawasaki
百鬼夜行 – Hyakki Yakou – Hundred Demon Night Parade

Most my friends comment on how haunting and creepy these paintings are.

Perhaps that is reason why that I don’t display these paintings on my work-related devices and why I endeavor to show as little of myself as possible. The core of my being might just be too haunting and creepy for people to handle — a stark contrast to my nanyate self — the perpetually shining, affable, easygoing optimist.

What most don’t understand is that both sides are equally me.

For one to embody the light, one must know darkness.

No related posts.

I was so intent with seeking the answer to that question that I spent 4 years in college studying philosophy. I devoured everything from ancient greek to postmodern to find an answer that I could be satisfied with.

No, I didn’t find the answer I wanted from these classes. I ended up cracking the code through my own life experiences. A decade-long battle with an autoimmune disease made me realize that health and thus life itself is not determined by some invisible force — be it Adam Smith’s economic theory or fate. Much of health and life itself is determined by choice. My choice.

Fast forward to today, I accidentally caught the ending of the Matrix Revolutions on TV. I felt a decade of my life nullified as I heard the ending dialogue between Agent Smith and Neo:

Agent Smith asked: “Why, Mr. Anderson, Why? Why do you persist?”

Neo calmly (and as usual, expressionlessly) replied, “Because I choose to.”

So all this while the movie that got me all riled up on the meaning of life did answer the damn question! I just needed to pay more attention instead of deriding it as an anticlimactic ending to a beautiful trilogy!

The irony of it all.

In defense of the years spent reading everything from Plato to Locke to Lacan in search for the answer… I probably wouldn’t be the person I am had I not embarked on the quest to find the meaning of life. I also probably wouldn’t have arrived at my eureka moment had I not gained some philosophical and psychological insight into human nature. And I definitely wouldn’t have realized the significance of Neo’s last line (and my stupidity) had I not slogged through all those piles of books.

Irony aside, I now have another burning quest at hand: How should I choose to live my life?

As a 24 year old, I know I’m not quite equipped to find the answer yet. But this time, instead of consulting a bunch of long-winded old men, I’m just going to live my life to find out.

No related posts.

Now I’m no psychoanalyst so I don’t have the knowledge to analyze every choice and every placement, but I’m going to attempt to psychoanalyze myself in hopes you could pick up some clues about yourself from your own Pet Society rooms.

Main Room

This one is a bit of a no-brainer. The main room represents the how you want the world to see you. I like to be seen as someone who’s organized, open-minded and fairly straightforward. I think that’s the feel I try to project here with the large windows and minimalist decor — kind of like nanyate, don’t you think?

Bedroom

I’d like to think that the bedroom represents how you see yourself. It’s also a measure of your self-esteem. I’ve been playing with Pet Society for years, and I have to admit I’ve never been satisfied with my bedroom. For me, that’s not necessarily a bad thing because it means I always leave room for myself to grow.

The ghost is an interesting point, since it’s a very accurate reflection of my sleeping habits. I turn 25 this year and I still sleep with a night light on. That’s because every time I try to sleep with the lights off, I would dream about being haunted by something from within. So the ghost represents my fear—my fear for a part of myself.

I guess it’s no accident that I display my awards here. (Most people would display their stuffed toys here.) I have a feeling that my self-esteem depends on my career achievements to a certain extent.

Bathroom

I have no clue what the bathroom is supposed to mean but if I had to make a wild guess, it’s probably how you choose to pamper yourself. If my guess is right, people who struggle with loving themselves would probably not like their bathrooms or avoid having a bathroom altogether.

And so my Pet Society bathroom makes me the ultimate narcissist. Bathing Japanese-style while watching the sunset and then getting out to have a cup of tea would while idly philosophizing about the world would be heaven on earth for me.

Kitchen

The kitchen is probably a reflection of how you view your family and/or your home. I admit I’m not a homely or family-oriented person. So I guess it’s no surprise that it’s the only room that I’ve not bothered to re-design for almost a year.

Hobbies Room

Most higher-level Pet Society players have a room to showcase their hobbies—be it a large walk-in closet, a piano lounge, or in my case, a reading room.

One of the things that I feared most after I started working was that I would eventually stop learning. In an effort to keep learning, I’ve voraciously devoured management and communication books, and used my Tumblr and Google Docs (represented by the laptop in the picture) as learning notebooks for quick access to my newly-acquired knowledge.

An interesting highlight to this room is the presence of a door. It’s the only room (aside from the main room) in my house that has a door. The door represents openness. The hobbies room is something that I’m open to changing and that I openly share with everyone.

I wonder if that means those who have doors for every room are generally more open people.

The Extra Room

I don’t know about other Pet Society players, but 6 rooms is enough for me. So the 7th room is an extra room I use to play around with the latest decor. For now, I’ve turned it into a veranda cafe (because this weeks’ items are all cafe inspired). I can’t imagine what I will do with the 8th and 9th rooms when I get them.

Or perhaps the extra room just represents that I’ve not discovered enough facets of myself yet.

Fantasy Room

And to save the prettiest for last, this is the whimsical, fantastic room that represents the child in me. It’s the dreamy side of me where I wished everything in the world would be poetic, pretty and peaceful.

A few points of interest: my petling is here, I guess that means I’ll never own a pet in real life. Like most of my other rooms, it has no door—evidently, it’s not a side that I like to admit to.

Some Caveats…

I think analyzing your pets only works if you had a few conditions fulfilled.

• You need to have played while perceiving your pet as a representation of your self – whether consciously or unconsciously. If you see your pet as Johnny Depp or Miley Cyrus, then I don’t think it’ll work.
• Your decor choice should not be constrained by the lack of cash. If you bought the cheap wooden bed because you don’t have enough money for the princess bed, then you’re not at a level where you can accurately analyze your state of mind from your room. Looking at my friend list, I think most people start to cross to the “analyzable stage” at around Level 25 – 27.

And this ends my random, lunacy-infested post on Pet Society!

Your Thoughts?

• If you play Pet Society, do share the decor of your rooms!
• If you don’t, what do you think of my analysis? Do you think it can be applied to other games like Farmville or Cafe World?
• If you a psychology expert, I’d like to hear what you think.
• And if you have nothing to add, feel free to jeer at my lunacy.

Related posts:

1. Cleaned My Room; Cleaned State of Mind

My latest favorite reads are a line-up of cynical, sadistic, pompous blogs written by investment bankers. I can go through half their archives in one sitting and re-read some of their entries.

Something about their bitterness is very captivating.

Reason #1: Envy

I know it’s probably very sick of me but I have to admit that I really enjoy reading about their misery. I think a small part of enjoyment comes from envy – envious for their ridiculously large paychecks. I don’t particularly desire having that much money – especially at the expense of so many important things in life – but it’s only human to be envious of what you don’t have.

Reason #2: Relief

Another part of my enjoyment comes from relief – relief that I do not have to work 100 hours every week to prove my worth to my boss. (Unfortunately, I do have to work 100-hour weeks once a while though, so I’m not exactly doing well on the work-life balance scale either. But at least I have some sort of a life outside of work.)

Reason #3: Respect

With that said, where I derive the bulk of enjoyment is from respect. It takes incredible amount of perseverance and dedication to put up with the amount of crap they do for the sake of one thing, which in their case is likely money, prestige or some derivative of both. This respect is the same admiration I have for my friend who I wrote about last month.

Why it stops at respect

Unlike all these i-bankers and jazz musicians, I really don’t think I can dedicate myself to one thing for the rest of my life. I was just not born to have particularly deep desires. I don’t need to swim in a pool of money. I don’t need presidential-level power or prestige. I don’t crave to be loved by everyone I meet. I don’t need to amount to legendary greatness, although I do think I am capable of it – if only I desired for it.

But alas, all I want is to have a job that I enjoy doing, afford a comfortable lifestyle and some time left over for some quality “me” time so I can seek more wisdom and knowledge.

Yes, my strongest desire is probably to gain wisdom and a breadth of knowledge. (There’s a not-so-subtle difference between the two, but let’s leave that for another entry). And even then I’m not dedicated enough to go back to school for it. I just want to know why the world works the way it does, why humans think, feel and act the way they do, why I am not as predictable as I would like to be, and what I can do to change that.

There’s enough satisfaction in my journey to seek wisdom and knowledge that I don’t really need to have an end-goal to justify my life.

In return for my relatively unpassionate, nonchalant life, I don’t have to suffer extreme pain or happiness – and this stability matters much more to me than a seven-figure paycheck (at least for now).

In some sick and twisted way, I guess reading about the bane of slaving for money and prestige validates my chosen lifestyle. Knowing that greatness comes slapped with a hefty price tag that involves slavery, deception, denial and insecurity has allowed me to be grateful for my life of mediocrity and moderation.

So here are some i-banking blogs I read religiously, in case you aspire to be as sick as I am or as sick as they are (whichever floats your boat better):

• Stuff Investment Bankers Like
• Mergers and Inquisitions
• Leveraged Sell-Out

Dear Readers, do you have any genre of blogs you like to read? Are you as sick as I am when it comes to validating your pleasures with the misery of others? If you are working, do you enjoy your job? Why or why not? And what are your working hours like?

No related posts.

Unfortunately for the gym, these tactics pretty much fell flat with me, since everything they used was nicely preempted by my political strategy course’s textbook: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini .

By the way, I highly recommend this book for marketers and salesmen, but more so to ordinary consumer folk, so you don’t fall for the marketers’ conniving tactics.

Weapons of Influence

So, this clever gym had used all 6 weapons of influence Cialdini wrote about to persuade me into buying a personal training program (which I didn’t want or need). And here’s what happened:

Liking

People are generally more easily persuaded by people they like. This is why con men are usually good looking, and why Abercrombie & Fitch employs modelesque sales assistants. Not surprisingly, the guy called to answer my simple question is a super beefy and likable fitness instructor / salesman.

Commitment and Consistency

A classic car salesman tactic. This is where the car salesman will get you to commit to the car verbally, then tell you later that automatic transmission will cost you extra. As you already agreed to buying the car, you will accede to the new price (even if it’s not your liking) because you want to appear consistent.

Same thing with the gym. This personal trainer/sales guy didn’t start out asking me if I wanted a personal training program. He started out asking me what days I can commit to a program. If I had fallen into his trap and told him the specific times I was available for training, I would have very well ended up paying for a personal training program of which I had no intention to join.

I didn’t want to be pulled into his pace, so I forcefully changed the topic to cost. How much does a personal training program cost? And here Cialdini’s third weapon of influence unfolded.

Reciprocation

This occurs when someone requests for something absurd to which you initially reject. The person then returns with a relatively less absurd request. At this point, you will naturally accept it out of guilt, even if it is still quite absurd by normal standards.

So this personal trainer – sales guy tells me that it’s only 8,000 SGD for an 8 month personal training program, and 7,500 SGD for a 6 month one. $8,000?? That’s equivalent to 3 Chanel bags, 2 Macbook Pros or the down payment for a Japanese car. Hell no. He then says, he will give me a special discount for the 1.5 month program just for 1,400 SGD + 1 free session. Of course, at this point, I felt the natural urge to say yes out of the guilt of rejecting him twice.

But I reminded myself: I only came here for a simple gym membership. I’ve been to a gym before, and I have a medical condition. I had already consulted with a trainer and my doctor in Canada. I already have an effective routine. I know how to use the Nautilus circuit. And I’m not here for a Britney Spears transformation. I just need to lead a healthier lifestyle. So I said my final “no”, and dealt with the disappointment on his face.

8,000 SGD » disappointment on a stranger’s face. Think about it logically, why should I care about some random guy’s feelings? I’m not related to him in anyway.

Scarcity

Typical advertising/marketing tactic that people still fall for. Yes, the “hurry up, the offer ends tomorrow” ones.

I didn’t want to say an outright ‘no’ (it’s not easy to get over guilt, you know) so I told Mr. Personal Trainer / Salesman that I would like to try out 1 month at the gym without a trainer, before committing to one. He then tells me “but I’m giving you this package for 77$ per session. If you come back a month later, it will not be available anymore”.

Sorry, that’s just too run-off-the-mill an answer for me. Of course it will. He’s sitting here negotiating with me now. Betcha when I say I wanna look like Britney one month later, he’ll sit here to negotiate me again. As a salesman, I don’t think you care if you’re making $8,000 off a person now or a month later, as long as you make your commission.

Social Proof

This is the classic what-my-neighbor-has-I-must-have syndrome. Don’t think it needs much of an explanation.

Being the perfect salesman, this personal trainer came equipped with a file of his clients who have successfully lost weight over the course of 6 months. If Jane Doe can do it, so can you is really his point.

And that would be his biggest failure in persuading me. He fell into the trap of stereotyping. His thought process must’ve been somewhere along these lines: “She’s overweight. She probably leads an unhealthy lifestyle. So she must must be here coz she wants to look like Britney. Simple. I just put her on a sugar-less diet and work her like a mule.”

True, I am overweight, but it’s not because I lead an unhealthy lifestyle. I don’t eat much, and I do quite a bit of speed walking and stair climbing. I am overweight because I have a medical condition directly related to my weight. So it is unrealistic to expect that the 6 month program would be as effective on me as it does on Plain Janes who don’t suffer from any medical conditions.

Besides, I didn’t like the way he slyly injected that if I didn’t follow the routine I wouldn’t see results. Taking accountability off his shoulders even before the program? No thank you. If I were to pay $8,000, I demand to have Lee Hyori’s sexy body despite a thyroid condition. And if I don’t get her body, I want my money back x 10. If you can guarantee that, I’ll pay any amount.

Authority

Of course, if the neighbor taunt doesn’t work, let’s fling authority around.

Mr. Personal Trainer Salesman started talking about his 8 year experience, and how he’s seen people who don’t have personal trainers fail at achieving their target.

But that fell flat as well because he slipped up earlier on. Before putting me on the weighing scale that calculates for BMI (body mass index) and BMR (basal metabolic rate) using the Harris-Benedict equation (I presume), I told him I have a thyroid condition. When the tests results were printed, he said my BMR is low. Well, that would be true if I were a normal overweight person who did no exercise and ate a lot. But I suffer from hyperthyroidism, and am taking medication precisely because my BMR is too high – as in 3x higher than an average person.

I believe my December 2008 blood test is more accurate than some weighing machine/calculator scam. So it looks like in his 8 years he’s never met a thyroid patient before. If he didn’t even know that the thyroid is related to the BMR, then there’s no way I can trust him. After all, pushing a thyroid patient too far can be fatal.

Ivy’s Opinion

With all that said, I don’t agree with these marketing tactics for gyms. It kinda cheapens the whole process. But more importantly, it can also be a physically hazardous one. Personal training should be an informed decision the consumer makes, not a service to market like you would for a used car. Not everyone is suited for personal training – especially those with medical conditions. Your trainer not only needs to have working knowledge on your condition, but must also be willing to work with your doctor.

And of course, not everyone thinks it is pleasant to have someone to nag you while he or she works out.

I guess, I’m just one of those people.

What about you? What do you think of these marketing tactics? Are they ethical for a gym?

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