Last week, your Egg D’vine sandwich declared war on me. The sandwich suffered severe casualties with its innards splattered everywhere – the table, the wall and even on my face. This war could have been easily avoided, if only you had a better understanding of knife politics.

I ordered a baguette with egg mayo topping; and I was served with the usual utensils – a soup spoon, a fork and a table knife. I hope you already see the problem in my first sentence. I said, baguette and then a table knife.

That’s right. A table knife. Table knives aren’t meant to cut breads like baguettes. That’s the reason why the bread knife was invented in the first place.

I know eating sandwiches with tableware is your idea of having your customers look more posh and well-mannered – as opposed to the casual American burger dining etiquette. However, proper utensils should be used, lest your customer would end up looking like a 5 year old with the table manners of a canine.

Despite my hardships in battle, I have emerged the victor and have successfully annihilated my opponent. As such, I now have the right to demand for reparation and restoration costs. Until they are honored, I am officially calling a truce with you.

• Change Your Knives – I have no qualms with eating sandwiches the posh way. I just prefer to have my food subjugate to me without waging war – as most humans would expect today.
• Offer an Egg D’vine Croissant – All this wouldn’t have occurred, if your bistro had croissants available in the first place, as it was my original order. So I demand a free croissant for my hardship.
• Change Your Pronunciation – Also, croissant is pronounced as “kru-wah-sont” not “croy-zend”. You should teach your staff to pronounce some basic French words, lest they sound unlearned, which I am sure, is not what a French bistro is trying to achieve.

I sincerely await your response.

Yours truly,
Ivy “I just wanted to have a good dinner with Delifrance’s awesome egg mayo sandwich, must it be that difficult?” T.

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Readers, have you ever had food wage war on you?

NB: Although this entry is expressed with satire, the experience is very real. Please do not overlook that, Delifrance.

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